I still miss him. At first there was a lot of grief, but also a relief that he was no longer in pain. Also, life was made somewhat easier. No hair all over. No having to take him outside. No food, water dishes.
For several weeks I would come home and still expect him to be there, somewhere, ready to greet me, tail wagging happily. That passed. Seeing dogs in pictures or tv, particularly those that look like him still tweeks my stomach a bit. I pass by the pet section in a store and have to remind myself there is no reason even to browse.
The last couple weeks I've been working in the yard where some of his last poops remain. What used to be an annoyance is now a sad reminder of the friend I used to have who is no longer with me. I don't want those to go away, but I know they will decompose, just like everything else eventually does.
And now when the doorbell rings, I worry that it'll wake the baby, not cause Jax to bark. That makes me feel a little guilty - that I'm somehow replacing him.
I know I'm a little silly, but I kind of want to put up a squirrel feeder, mainly to keep them away from my bird feeders. But Jax always hated squirrels, so I feel like I'd be disloyal if I started tending to the tree rats.
I miss him and still can't believe he's gone.
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