Smiles

In the year and 1/3 that I've been back to Illinois, I've encountered some new smiles. 

First, the smile of my wife has unrivaled beauty. Besides the inherent appeal of her smile in itself, it's the crinkle of the eyes when she looks at me to demonstrate what real love is.  She really does love me and it's a tremendous feeling. 

Second, the smile of my son, is incredible. He looks at me and his mouth opens in pure joy. I'm not the most important face he wants to see, I'm the only face, it seems. His unbridled joy at seeing me is such a true, sweet experience. One I hope others will be able to experience besides just me and my wife. 

Then there is the smile from my step-son. Having autism, he's not a very social guy. And, I know what buttons to push to make him happy. Video games. Fast food. Hugs when he needs them. But nothing beats the smile he has when he's looking at me when I haven't done anything. A smile of adoration from one who doesn't send facial queues like everyone else. A smile that means he's just happy to be looking at me and spending time in my presence. It's pretty fucking humbling. And exciting.  

My brother

My "aunt" Lois and I were talking about how Alex is so fixated with Joey and how he just stares when Joey is around. Joey wants no part of him, but I guess that's to be expected. 

My family has mentioned how my brother, Kurt, used to dote on me. Lois said that he would come home from school when I was a baby during a certain feeding time and I would always whip my head around when he came in the door and coo and Kurt would hug me. She said for months after he died that I would still turn my head, looking for him. 

It's not the first time I've wished I'd known him, since he died before I was one. However, it's neat to think that we had a mutual bond, even if for a short time. 

I've often wished for a brother or sister. I certainly have some great friends to whom I'm as close as I can fathom being to another (other than my wife) person. But I would like to hug Kurt just once and let him know he was special when he walked with us.