OK, so I'm going to sound like Mr. Pink from Reservoir Dogs, but my sister-in-law thinks it's been far too long since I've ranted, so here I go....
Why do I feel guilty if I don't fill something in on the "tip" line, even if I go through the drive-through. Do I really need to put $1.00 in the Monica's Tacos drive-through as a "thank you" for them doing their job correctly? Doesn't the cost of the fucking burrito already include them putting it together right?
It's one thing if someone waits on me. If they bring me food, refill my drink, etc. I almost always tip 20%. Even if they aren't that great, I usually tip 20%. If they suck, I'll do 15%.
Today at Mimi's (which I'll probably not frequent for quite a while), we got a server who had a very stoic attitude and was brusque. Now, I don't want my server to be OVERLY friendly. I don't need to know what you did last night. I don't want a 10-minute political diatribe or a story about how much you hate your best friend right now. We are entering into a professional entertainment relationship. This means you do your job reasonably well and act like you give-a-shit and I'll pay you.
If this sounds cold, let me explain that I am ALWAYS friendly to my servers. I smile and mean it. I ASK for things, rather than demand them. I am willing to forgive a few mishaps, but if you obviously don't care AND we get bad service, well, I don't think your pay incentive (aka tip) should be that great.
Back to my Mimi's server. I ordered water with lemon. No lemon. I ordered an egg-white omelette. What I got was a burnt-ass egg with some stanky vegetables in it. One bite and I felt like hurling. It came with 2 pieces of toast. My sister-in-law got an omelette with NO tomoatoes. She got tomatoes. We both sent our food back. I got a menu and couldn't decide on more food, so I just ordered two eggs over-easy. I indicated I'd just eat the toast that'd come with my original meal.
Our server attended to us (and none-too-quickly) and brought me my eggs. I ate them and they were OK. When our server gave us the bill, she indicated that she took off the price of the omelette. I thanked her with a smile and meant it. However, when I looked at the bill, we'd been charged $1.99 for "toast and jam". The jam is on the table. The toast was the two pieces of dry toast that had come with my shitstain omelette. We paid the bill and left.
The crappy food wasn't our server's fault and in no way did I give her attitude or indicate I thought it was her fault. I apologized for having to send it back but said that it was truly unedible. But, don't you think they could have fucking comped my $1.99 toast?! A dollar for a piece of burnt bread? Holy balls, I could buy a fucking loaf of bread at Safeway for that!
Back to my point...Trish tipped her a good $8 on a $30 tab. If you figure the cost of the comped food was an additional $4, that is still over 20%. It is a 20% she didn't deserve, however, I think I'd have felt guilty doing any less. Why? She gave us mediocre service at best. She (or the kitchen) fucked up at least two of our orders. The attention to detail was nill.
Let me hear from you readers out there. Do you ever feel the way I do? Should I give a tip (minimal at least) to someone when I do a pick-up order? Do I tip the pizza delivery guy 20% or do I just add on a couple dollars as long as the pie is quick and hot? I am getting angry just thinking about all the dollars I've spent rewarding so-so service.
