I hate previews

I think I used to watch the "next week's preview" of my shows that were at the end of every episode, but I don't recall. I stopped doing this several years ago...maybe it's because of TiVo...but I find it extraordinarily annoying now. Warning - profanity ahead.

From where did our fascination with previews come? I don't want to see what is going to be on ER next week. Why? Because they generally twist the little clips so that you're expecting something different than actually happens. They'll fabricate responses like showing Dr. Kovac saying "To Hell with you, Carrie" and the chief of staff replying "You're fired". But when you see the actual episode, it's taken in context like Kovac is quoting someone else saying that and Carrie is actually saying "You're fired" in a hypothetical circumstance. Previews create bullshit additional fictitious dialogue to an already fictional series. I hate it.

Know what else I hate? Previews of movies or TV shows that are shown months early. Wait, strike that....YEARS early. I don't mind if it's a singular preview in March of a movie that I really want to see, like a 15-second plug for the new Star Wars movie that is coming out in December. But when you're sitting in the theatre and they show you something really cool and then at the end it says "Fall of 09", I just have to say "What the fuck?!". Why? Do filmmakers really need to start the hype 2-3 years before a film is to aire?

It's the same damned thing with TV shows. It's spring and you start seeing previews for the fall season. Do I need to know who McDreamy is going to be fucking in September when it's only April? I think not. I don't mind so much if the previews are occasional, but when they are on EVERY FUCKING COMMERCIAL BREAK, I get annoyed. I love Nip/Tuck. But the beginning of every break starts with the same music and a plug for the new FX series "Dirt". When I first saw it, I thought "OK, that looks kinda cool.". However, even with TiVo, I have now been so inundated with the irritating ads that I don't want to see it anymore. Do you know the worst part? Dirt starts in February. FEBRUARY! Motherfucker! I have to watch this lame-ass shit for 5 months? Suck my ass!

The last type of preview I hate are programs that show you a preview IN the show of what you'll see after the break. Dr. Phil does this. Project Runway does this. A myriad of other lame shows do this. It is ridiculous. I don't want to sit and see snipets of what I'm going to see after the break. Just go to fucking commercial, get it over with and then show me what's next. Don't tease me or reveal what is going to happen in 2 minutes (or 10 seconds with TiVo), just fucking show it to me! BASTARDS! "Coming up on Project Runway..." Tell you what, Heidi, why don't you take your fucking previews and stick them up your perpetually pregnant ass. I swear Seal must have his cock "aufed" more often than a 12 yr old who just hacked his way onto a porn site. Just go to commercial and come back and finish the shit, OK?

Have we really managed to reduce our attention spans so drastically that we have to see whats coming up in 2 minutes or we'll change the channel? "Wow! I really like Lost! I can't wait to see what's coming up after the break." *halfway through a Carls Jr. ad with some slovenly actor allowing a burger's juice to run down their chin like a fast-food money shot* "Ohhh, I think I'll switch over to Bowling!" I mean...Come on!